


Delete

by jaebumssi



Category: GOT7
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-30
Updated: 2015-08-30
Packaged: 2018-04-18 02:53:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4689704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaebumssi/pseuds/jaebumssi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jaebum has an unhealthy obsession with his text message history... maybe because that's the only place the memories remain.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Delete

The apartment gets awfully cold at night, and not to mention rather lonely. It’s the kind of feeling that sinks in after a long day at work, and it sits on your shoulders so tightly that after a while the loneliness seems like an inseparable fragment of you.

Jaebum sighed, dejectedly throwing his knapsack to the floor as he shuffled to the kitchen counter to pour himself a glass of water. He took a small sip, swirling it in his mouth absentmindedly, before taking a bigger gulp and slumping into the kitchen chair.

He was exhausted.

As a waiter working part-time at the restaurant across the street from his apartment, he often got the most inflexible timings around the twilight zone or the early mornings, all because (according to his boss) he “lived the closest and should have no problem turning up”. What his ignorant boss never took into consideration was the fact that he was a university student too, and having to balance his courses and the breakfast or dinner courses were two distinct but equally taxing tasks.

A soft purr followed by the warm body of his favourite feline friend cozied up to his leg brought the corners of his lips up, even though a simple act such as smiling seemed so foreign to him. It was as though he had not smiled in ages.

“Sorry you had to stay home alone for so long again, Nora.” Jaebum picked her up from the ground and placed her on his lap, running his fingers through her soft fur. “I brought home some leftovers. I know I’m supposed to feed you cat food, but if you’re up for some salmon, I could heat it up for you.”

Nora stared back at Jaebum, her eye fully focused on him as she tilted her head to the side. Jaebum frowned, a sharp look under his furrowed brows. If Nora had meant to signal anything, Jaebum had surely not caught a thing. She impertinently hopped off his lap and back on the ground, stalking out of the kitchen with her head held high.

“What’s that supposed to mean? I can never understand what you’re trying to say…”

Deciding to ignore her, Jaebum rummaged through the pockets of his washed sweatshirt to pull out his cellphone. His clothes reeked of spices and oil and his hair felt greasy but he simply had not a single ounce of energy left to care. Slowly, he shuffled over to the couch in the living room, collapsing into a ball of self-pity and solitude, all the while still scrolling through the messages on his phone.

“i miss you, Jinyoung”

The first time he had caught Jinyoung returning home with his cheeks flushed and his lips pink, refusing to talk to him and shutting himself and Nora in his bedroom while leaving Jaebum knocking outside until the wee hours of the morning.

“it’s lonely without you”

Another message sent past midnight, two days after Jaebum found strands of bright red hair on Jinyoung’s white shirt and demanded an explanation, since the only one with coloured hair in the apartment was Nora. It was a message Jaebum had sent without thinking twice, after finding solace with the stale alcohol in the refrigerator while Jinyoung had slammed the front door behind him, marking his first departure from home.

“please come home”

When Jinyoung showed up at the restaurant with an apology card and a cup of instant rice (long story short, the first time they had gone out together on an awkward date, they were both freezing in the winter but too poor to go anywhere, so they ended up at the convenience store eating cups of instant rice, huddled in the warmth from the sparks of their infatuations), Jaebum knew it was bad news. He had begged Jinyoung to stay for a cup of tea, or just wait an hour until his shift had ended so they could talk things out, but Jinyoung left. This time, the sight of his back walking through the exit of the restaurant burned into his memory, because he already knew it was the last time he would see him. After his shift, he returned to the apartment, with one of the two rooms completely cleaned out, and every single belonging of Jinyoung’s removed spotless. It was almost as though he never existed. Too bad the bone crushing pain in Jaebum’s chest hinted otherwise.

“nora misses you”

That time, he didn’t even have an excuse. He wasn’t drunk, nor was he bawling his eyes out. He was just sitting on the couch, flipping through the channels while devouring the tub of mint chocolate ice cream since it was about to go bad, when he heard a familiar song play from the television. He placed the remote back down, and relished in the memories of listening to Jinyoung’s alarm ring for almost fifteen minutes every day before storming over to his room and turning it off himself. It felt like there was a knife twisting in his gut, when Jaebum recalled how one day Jinyoung had just suggested that they both sleep on the same bed, so that they could both wake up without letting the alarm ring for too long. The nights got longer and the days shorter, and it became his favourite part of the day to lie down beside Jinyoung, eyes closed and words slurred as they murmured nothings while drifting off to sleep. Too embarrassed to send another message about how much he was yearning for Jinyoung, he typed Nora instead. A part of him hoped for a response, but when none came, it was same – another wave of devastation, like a cold slap to the face and a punch to the stomach.

Tonight, he felt small.

Curled up on the couch with nothing but shadows and silence engulfing him, it felt like he was being consumed. He felt empty, but at the same time, he felt numb. Numb from the loneliness and the pain that he felt every single moment he knew that Jinyoung had slipped through his fingers and out of his life, and there was nothing he could do about it. Somewhere out there, the redheaded person who had stolen his Jinyoung from him was probably making him smile in ways that he never could, and he felt so grieved by it that the tears naturally started flowing.

His fingers trembled over the keyboard, his hiccups shaking his body as he typed in three small words, the alphabets blurred by the tears in his eyes.

“i love you”

This was it. The point of no return. There was no doubt in his mind that Jinyoung could have changed his phone, or simply blocked his number so that he would not even receive any of his messages. If he sent this final confession, it would mean that he would never get over it. Jaebum would have been obsessing over a ghost in his past and he was powerless. His sobs got louder, and without him knowing, Nora had returned to his side, softly whining while stroking her leg against his, unsure of what to do to pacify her mournful owner.

(Delete message?)

(Message deleted.)

**Author's Note:**

> Something really short I wrote inspired by a Tumblr edit.


End file.
